There are two types of virtues: theological and cardinal.
Theological virtues are those that lead to God and are infused supernaturally by God.
Cardinal virtues are those that can be attained by education and good actions.
Forgiveness is an act of charity, and charity is a theological virtue. Therefore, true forgiveness can’t be attained by our human efforts alone, we need God to heal and to have the strength to forgive. God is continuously giving us graces, although we might choose to reject them sometimes either out of fear, ignorance, or because of sin. If we freely choose to accept God’s graces and seek them in prayer, then, we can trust that it will be possible for us to enjoy the sweet fruits of the gift of forgiveness.
Forgiveness allows us to shed pain, fear, resentment, anger, and our past. It is a gift of charity towards ourselves because it liberates us. It is also an act of sacrifice because we let go of a part of ourselves that can be difficult to release and let die. But just as Christ had to die to himself to gain eternal life and be glorified, when we allow the wounded part of ourselves to die on the cross of forgiveness, then we are given new and eternal life from its sweet fruits.
We can hold on to memories of the best moments of our lives, but we often hold tighter to the most devastating events we’ve experienced. Even if we have forgotten, our subconscious holds tight to these events that made us feel indescribable sadness, anger, or shame.
Sometimes we have been the victims of abuse, betrayal, or violence. No matter how big or small, it can be difficult to forgive offenses. Other times, the victim has been someone we love dearly and we want justice for this loved one. Yet, other times, we feel we have been wrong and have a hard time forgiving ourselves for any harm we have caused to ourselves or others.
If we are stuck with anger or resentment over a past injustice or offense, our best option is to shed that pain with the powerful act of forgiveness. This can be incredibly difficult to do, especially if there was severe abuse or violence experienced, but it is also an incredibly liberating action that allows us to let go and heal.
Misconceptions about forgiveness:
- It isn’t an open door to additional harm
- It isn’t justification
- It isn’t minimization
- It isn’t a reconciliation
- It isn’t dependent on an apology
- It doesn’t change the past
What is forgiveness:
- An act of charity that leads us closer to God
- An act that enlarges our capacity for love toward ourselves and others
- An act that requires faith and hope in God
- An act of courage
- An act of letting go
- An act of opening new doors
- An act of hope for the future
- An act that could lead to reconciliation or permanently moving on
- An act of healing
- A fruit of prayer and the grace of God
We can’t change the past, but if we don’t make an effort to forgive we can become slaves of our past. It can feel scary, and many believe forgiveness is an invitation to receive more harm, but that is not the case. Just as we are free to choose the people we want to pursue a closer friendship with, we are also free to choose when we no longer want to grow closer in friendship with someone. There is a difference between actively investing in growing and developing a relationship and actively letting go of any resentment tied to past offenses. When we forgive, we are not obligated to invite a person into our lives again. Forgiveness is an act of letting go of the offense, the resentment, the pain, and the past we had, so we can have a clean slate.
With a clean slate, we are free to reconcile if we so desire, which in many cases is our best option. There are many relationships worth salvaging. However, if our heart is set on new beginnings and God wants to remove certain people from our lives, then forgiveness gives us a chance to leave our baggage behind, to become resilient, and have a fresh start. Whether we go into a path of reconciliation depends on several factors, and it’s worth noting that mending a relationship takes two, but forgiving only takes one.
So, don’t be afraid to start forgiving today. Don’t be afraid of letting go, and yes, it will be a gift to the person who might have offended you, but it’s also a gift to yourself that will allow you to start healing right away.
When we forgive even the worst crime, the most painful betrayal, or the most heinous offense, we are letting go of the past, so that we are no longer enslaved by it. We are letting go of pain, so that God may heal us. We are opening ourselves up to a new beginning and enjoying our present to the fullest.
The damage is done, but dwelling on it will not bring us justice. Bitterness in our hearts will bring us neither reparation nor consolation. Excessive fear and pain might get us stuck spiraling out of control into more harm and darkness. Only forgiveness can do us some justice by setting us free and bringing us reparation in new hopes, and true consolation in God.
We should also learn to forgive ourselves. We can learn from our mistakes without dwelling on them for months and years on end. When we have forgiven ourselves and others, truly meaningful relationships worth saving can be restored, or in other cases, we finally gain the peace of mind, wisdom, and freedom to open up the space for new relationships that come directly from God as a blessing.
Two encouraging examples of forgiveness that come to my mind include:
- Immaculée Ilibagiza – she is a miraculous survivor of the Rwandan Genocide of 1994, who experienced the pain of losing her entire family in a matter of three months. She prayed incessantly during the entire ordeal and was able to forgive the people who killed her entire family by the end of this devastating event. In her own words, this is what she heard God speaking to her soul at that moment “…your journey is not over yet. And it is up to you how you choose to live your life. If you choose love, if you choose love, I am with you.”
- Robert Rule – this man’s daughter was a victim of the Green River Killer, Gary Ridgway, one of the most prolific serial killers in American history. Ridgway pledged guilty to 48 homicides during his trial and later confessed to 80 murders. Understandably, during Ridgway’s sentence ruling, the family members of the victims were in pain and many wished him a cruel death, called him an animal, and despite this Ridgway was unmoved and seemed to have zero remorse. Robert Rule, with the grace of God, chose to forgive and brought Ridway to tears by saying “Mr. Ridgway, there are people here that hate you, I’m not one of them. You’ve made it difficult to live up to what I believe, and that is, what God says to do, and that’s to forgive… you are forgiven, sir.”
Note that forgiveness doesn’t prevent justice. Yes, forgiveness as an act of love and mercy can cover a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). Forgiveness could mean that a debt is fully pardoned under some circumstances, or it might allow for full reparation, such as accepting back something stolen and moving on as if it never happened. But in other cases, such as murder, no reparation can be fully accomplished, and the consequences must be accepted. ln the case of serial killer Gary Ridgway, no amount of forgiveness from the victims’ families could stop the consequences of his actions such as being persecuted by the courts for the safety of others.
In that same way, forgiveness doesn’t cancel out God’s justice. Our job is simply to forgive, and God takes care of the rest, according to what is fair and of greatest benefit for each soul. God might respond with full mercy or full justice (Romans 12:19-21) according to what is truly charitable in the eyes of God.
I recommend the movie “The Greatest Gift” by infinitomasuno.org (material is available in multiple languages, including English) to anyone seeking inspiration and the strength to forgive.
Who do you need to forgive today to let go of your past?
Pray and ask God to cover you with His love and strength. Ask to have the grace and fortitude necessary to forgive. Give your past to God and ask Him to help you to forgive everyone. Keep praying until you can truly forgive, and watch the amazing ways in which forgiveness will set you free and take you on a new path of greater love.
