Repentance is different from mere remorse or guilt. We can remain unchanged in spite of remorse, we can even learn to drown it by becoming insensitive to our own conscience, or we could even go as far as hurting ourselves to compensate for our guilt without making any real inner improvement. On the other hand, repentance leads us to wisdom and to choosing to interiorly cleanse ourselves from vices and habits that contaminated our spirits, and we choose this for our sake and the sake of others.
Guilt might be an uncomfortable feeling that we might try to mute by becoming more prideful, while repentance is an act of becoming more humble and growing in virtue. Repentance might lead us to repair the ties that we broke, mend the relationships we’ve destroyed, or treat ourselves and others with greater kindness and dignity.
Even when there is nothing we can do to fix the past, repentance allows us to let go of our old selves so that we can build a new future. Sometimes we can’t escape some of the consequences of our past, such as imprisonment, a permanent break in a relationship, or irreversible physical harm to others or ourselves. We can’t pretend to minimize our past errors, and repentance is not about taking an easy way out. True repentance is dependent on having the humility and courage to acknowledge the harm we have done and its repercussions; the kindness to forgive ourselves; the sincere intent to mend, when possible, all the harm that we have done; and the determination to change once and for all, to prevent us from causing harm again (whether self-harm or harm towards others).
Repentance shouldn’t be a one-time act, but a process that becomes more refined as we cleanse ourselves and shed away layers of vices. Perhaps, our first time repenting, we are able to see a huge mistake we have committed, maybe we have decided to permanently stop drinking because it has caused a lot of pain to us and our families. We are able to achieve this great goal, yet later on in life, we notice that we tend to say small lies and we want to repent and change that to become more genuine. The small lies might only cause a tiny degree of harm compared to our past drinking problem, yet, it seems that even after we repent, it is harder to correct this small habit of lying. This is an example of how the process of repentance starts with the big picture, but it should be refined as we seek to more perfectly imitate Christ. Just as it is easier to make a sketch than to perfect the final details on a piece of art, repentance today is only a start for the masterpiece God has in mind for our souls.
Through repentance, we sincerely ask for forgiveness from God (and if possible from those we have hurt), and we accept God’s forgiveness. We also learn to forgive ourselves and make sincere efforts to not make the same mistakes again.